How To Cope With The Loss Of A Pen

[Hellmark]

This year, it has not been good for my pen collection.

 

In February, I lost my job, and started having a panic attack when I was let go, and they told me I had to immediately leave the premises without collecting my things, and that they would send me my stuff. Well, they sent me 3 boxes worth of (bleep). One box was 2 feet by 3 feet, and a foot and a half tall, of nothing but unneeded papers that really belonged in the trash (I honestly think some probably were pulled from the trash). What I didn't get , was things like my Parker 51 Hero clone, a bottle of Private Reserve Blue Suede ink, about 20 ink cartridges, and one of my Kawecos. Not getting back my personal external hard drive doesn't bum me out as much as that, and they're not expensive pens.

 

Last month, my wife was in the hospital, and while she was there, I didn't leave her side. I set up camp in her room, and stayed. I had my laptop if I absolutely had to do anything for work, and could do my homework. Well, during this stay, my TWSBI 530 went missing. It had been my daily writer, really never leaving my side since I got it right after the buggers came out. I had everything tweaked just right on it, and it was a beautiful pen. In the time since, I keep finding myself reaching for it, and then thrown when I get another pen.

 

In a away, due to the amount of time we spend with our pens, they become in a way, an extension of ourselves, and when they're no more, we do feel that loss. How do you guys manage it? I mean, even if you do buy another pen, it may not have the same exact feel, or flow, so you still know something is different.

[Korybas]

From my own experience I know that loosing a pen can be a very uncomfortable experience. IMHO, each pen is unique and there is no point in trying to get something that 100% replaces what we have lost - even if the new pen is 99,9% the same in appearance and writing experience as the pen we have lost, still our mind will find that .1% and bug us; not to mention the emotional attachment!

After feeling miserable for a few days, the way I handled it was to go and buy another pen and not of the same model like the one that I lost.

Edited August 12, 2013 by Korybas

[Azura]

As an old Chinese proverb goes，good luck goes after the bad one. Everything will be alright!

[WayTooManyHobbies]

I agree with Korybas, you never fully replace the pen. As you said, it becomes a part of who you were at the time, and your perception of the pen is colored and expanded by the experiences you have during your custody of it. Start building up experiences with a new pen, and remember the old one fondly.

I hope your wife is fully recovered.

[Opooh]

Although I do not like to loose a material good, I can't imagine to get emotional about it.

[Fabienne]

Korybas is right. Grieve and buy a new one, then pour your experiences into it and enjoy it.

[BrandonA]

Although I do not like to loose a material good, I can't imagine to get emotional about it.

 

Agreed.

 

I'd be more worried about my job and potentially not being able to pay the mortgage than a fake parker and a cheap japanese pen. If these were expensive and/or rare (either due to age or limited edition) then I think it would be a different story. I think people put too much emphasis on material goods, especially cheap ones which are easily replaced.

 

I do feel for you though the way they chucked you out of the building. Is this typical where you worked, was it due to the type of role, the company ethos or your conduct?

[logantrky]

 

Agreed.

 

I'd be more worried about my job and potentially not being able to pay the mortgage than a fake parker and a cheap japanese pen. If these were expensive and/or rare (either due to age or limited edition) then I think it would be a different story. I think people put too much emphasis on material goods, especially cheap ones which are easily replaced.

 

I do feel for you though the way they chucked you out of the building. Is this typical where you worked, was it due to the type of role, the company ethos or your conduct?

 

+1

 

I lost a Pelikan M205 this month and it has irritated me greatly. But, in the end, it is plastic, steel, and ink. I would have rather lost that than something made out of flesh, blood, and bone.

 

In any case, I am sorry to hear about your wife and job. I will be hoping for the best.

[sargetalon]

I have never lost a pen (mostly due to my OCD nature) so I can't fully commiserate. I am sorry about your losses though as it seems you had so much else going on, you didn't need insult added to injury. Good luck rebuilding your lost collection and finding a new daily writer.

[Christi0469]

My husband works in an environment where people get escorted out by security whether they are fired, layed-off or even just quit. Even if your pens were cheap ballpoints it rubs salt in the wound to lose personal property in the fray.

 

For those who cannot understand Hellmark's grief at losing his pens please remember that he lost them under stressful and emotional circumstances which may have left him financially unable to replace them. Beyond that people do get attached to objects, even cheap ones, and feel loss when those objects are lost, especially if they were gifts or have other sentimental value. These feeling of grief lessen with time, and while you may not be able to replace a specific object you will eventually find another that brings you the joy.

 

It sounds as if you have been through a lot in a short period of time. I hope every thing takes a turn for the better soon.

[scrivelry]

In a away, due to the amount of time we spend with our pens, they become in a way, an extension of ourselves, and when they're no more, we do feel that loss. How do you guys manage it? I mean, even if you do buy another pen, it may not have the same exact feel, or flow, so you still know something is different.

 

It sounds like you have had enough for now, and I do hope things get better for you, particularly your wife's health

 

Losing a job is bad enough, and having your personal items effectively stolen from you by the same people who took away your employment has got to make the loss of those items worse. Also, losing something you depend on while your wife was in the hospital (A very disorienting situation, as anyone who has ever similarly set up camp can understand and as someone who has never had to might not), is a hard blow at a vulnerable time.

 

I understand emotional attachment to things. For me, they link me to people and places and experiences. It is not so much the material nature of the object as an object per se, but the associations of so many kinds built up around them. This goes by personality and has little or nothing to do with the objective value of the thing to anyone else. It may not be exactly how you feel about your pens, but I can certainly see, if I feel this way, that others might have their own sorts of associations with objects that have nothing to do with value/status of the thing itself.

 

I have yet to build up such associations around a pen, so I can't give you specific advice, but I do sympathize, for whatever that is worth.

 

T

[georges zaslavsky]

 

Agreed.

 

I'd be more worried about my job and potentially not being able to pay the mortgage than a fake parker and a cheap japanese pen. If these were expensive and/or rare (either due to age or limited edition) then I think it would be a different story. I think people put too much emphasis on material goods, especially cheap ones which are easily replaced.

I am sorry to hear what happened to your wife and wish her a speedy recovery and I wish you to find a job asap. I have lost two pens and one was stolen. All of them were replaced. Good luck with the future

[Hellmark]

Agreed.

 

I'd be more worried about my job and potentially not being able to pay the mortgage than a fake parker and a cheap japanese pen. If these were expensive and/or rare (either due to age or limited edition) then I think it would be a different story. I think people put too much emphasis on material goods, especially cheap ones which are easily replaced.

 

I do feel for you though the way they chucked you out of the building. Is this typical where you worked, was it due to the type of role, the company ethos or your conduct?

 

The job wasn't a high paying position, and I had already started looking for work before I was fired (the company was a (bleep)). In fact, the day before, I had dropped off an application for a company that a friend was trying to get me on at (part of me wonders if that instigated me losing my job, when they called for reference). Luckily, in my line of work I was able to get a new job quickly that paid more.

 

As far as the norm, no it wasn't. They'd stand over you, and let you collect your things. I wish they would have let me do that, because I was in no condition to drive (full blown panic attack), and after they put me in my car, they told me I had to leave then. I made it about 200 feet before I lost control of my car and crashed. When the cops came, they tried to tell the cops that it was a suicide attempt (I guess to cover up them forcing me to leave in a state where I could barely walk). They called my wife, told her I was in an accident, but no details. She rushes to the hospital, and the cop met her there, and told her to not worry, it wasn't a suicide attempt because all the evidence shows that my gas pedal was stuck, and that there are skidmarks showing I tried to stop the car.

 

I have never lost a pen (mostly due to my OCD nature) so I can't fully commiserate. I am sorry about your losses though as it seems you had so much else going on, you didn't need insult added to injury. Good luck rebuilding your lost collection and finding a new daily writer.

 

I am OCD as well, and that's why loss isn't something I'm familiar with in something like this. Ordinarily, I have my pens on me, in my front breast pocket, and if not there, in a special spot in my desk. The only exception is when I am not at my desk and don't have a shirt I can keep it in, then it goes in my backpack. The ones I lost from my old job, I knew exactly where they were, but I was unable to retrieve them. At the hospital, so many people were coming and going, it was hard to keep track of things, plus at one point a nurse spilled over my bag when I had stepped out to take care of the kitties at home, and the best that I can figure is not everything was collected and put back.

 

Also, as someone with OCD, you may be familiar with the anxiety you get when things aren't right but you're unable to set them right.

 

My husband works in an environment where people get escorted out by security whether they are fired, layed-off or even just quit. Even if your pens were cheap ballpoints it rubs salt in the wound to lose personal property in the fray.

 

For those who cannot understand Hellmark's grief at losing his pens please remember that he lost them under stressful and emotional circumstances which may have left him financially unable to replace them. Beyond that people do get attached to objects, even cheap ones, and feel loss when those objects are lost, especially if they were gifts or have other sentimental value. These feeling of grief lessen with time, and while you may not be able to replace a specific object you will eventually find another that brings you the joy.

 

It sounds as if you have been through a lot in a short period of time. I hope every thing takes a turn for the better soon.

 

While I've not been able to replace the TWSBI yet due to medical bills and such taking priority, the money part hasn't been a worry. Its been more of a "Things are different, I don't like different" sort of feeling that nags me. I am very particular about certain things

 

It sounds like you have had enough for now, and I do hope things get better for you, particularly your wife's health

 

Losing a job is bad enough, and having your personal items effectively stolen from you by the same people who took away your employment has got to make the loss of those items worse. Also, losing something you depend on while your wife was in the hospital (A very disorienting situation, as anyone who has ever similarly set up camp can understand and as someone who has never had to might not), is a hard blow at a vulnerable time.

 

I understand emotional attachment to things. For me, they link me to people and places and experiences. It is not so much the material nature of the object as an object per se, but the associations of so many kinds built up around them. This goes by personality and has little or nothing to do with the objective value of the thing to anyone else. It may not be exactly how you feel about your pens, but I can certainly see, if I feel this way, that others might have their own sorts of associations with objects that have nothing to do with value/status of the thing itself.

 

I have yet to build up such associations around a pen, so I can't give you specific advice, but I do sympathize, for whatever that is worth.

 

For me, I do build attachments to things through the memories of them connected to events. For the TWSBI, when I would use it, I would remember things like getting my first IT certificate, signing the application form for graduation, signing the wedding license with my wife, and things like that. My memory sucks, so when I do have something that helps jog it, I like hanging on to it.

[inkstainedruth]

Commiserations all around, and hopes that things will get better for you.

I have lost a couple of pens, and while they were not expensive (a Parker Vector and a Noodler's Konrad) it was considerably more traumatizing than if I had left a cheap BP (or even a semi-decent one -- I have one that I don't use anymore but keep for sentimental reasons, given that it is a promo pen which has the imprint of my friend's business on it, and she gave me the pen when I made a major purchase from her) someplace. This was especially so in the case of the Vector, which had been my first "good" pen and a completely reliable workhorse. Like someone else said, fountain pens become an extension of you if you use them on a regular basis. It's more than a just a sense of ownership; I can't really describe it, but I know what it feels like. I thought I had lost a pen this past weekend and my friend got to watch me basically take pretty much everything out of my purse and dump the stuff on a counter (what he wasn't holding for me, that is) while I contemplated serious amounts of hyperventilating during the ensuing near panic attack.... Because it was a moderately (for me) expensive pen that I had just had someone look at at DCSS and had just gotten the replacement parts for it that I needed (a new hood and a more appropriate cap which I traded for with one of the dealers).

I wonder that you were not able to contact your former employers (unpleasant a prospect as that might have been, under the circumstances) to say "I have not received all my personal belongings"). Maybe I'm just made of sterner stuff, but I think I would have been *highly* incensed. I can't tell whether it was a case of out and out theft, or ignorance ("oh, it's just a pen, who cares if it gets tossed in the trash") or plain maliciousness on their part. Because the company could easily do something similar to another employee or employees at a future. My brother got laid off recently due to downsizing, but his boss circumvented company policy -- it was a big multi-national corporation -- by actually letting him collect his stuff *before* being escorted off the premises.... (It was less good for a co-worker of his: she was informed by *phone* while out of the office for the day, attending a *funeral*; she was apparently told that she could then make an appointment to collect her personal effects. )

As for the later incident, that would be irritating if something similar happened to me because I would have nobody else to blame but myself and the stress of the circumstances (which almost became the case yesterday).
I'm afraid that I can't tell you which would be better -- to get a replacement that is the same make/model, or to get a different pen of similar quality. Only you know what would be best for you (I did try to replace the Vector with a different color but similar width nib, and have not been 100% satisfied with the any of the replacements). YMMV there. But the way you felt when losing the pens is *completely* understandable -- especially when both instances were ones of emotional upheaval to begin with.

Ruth Morrisson aka inkstainedruth

[DanF]

Hearing the entire story, I can certainly see how this would upset you. Hope things smooth out for you soon

 

One way of coping with such loss is to constantly remind yourself, in a gentile, compassionate way, that the nature of things is to change, and the more we resist that nature, the more we suffer. Also that the more attached we are, the more we suffer, as the things we are attached to inevitably change or disappear, and we are left wishing that they were still the same. It is that wish that things were different than they actually are that is at the heart of suffering.

 

We can still enjoy without attachment, though it takes a good deal of work to get to that point. I don't claim to be there yet, but I am working on it. Every time that I find myself unsettled, it is a reminder of my own attachment, though I don't necessarily see it that way at the time. I have frequent reminders.

 

We can enjoy a rainbow for what it is, because we know for sure that it won't last. We feel lucky to see it while it is there, and when it disappears, there is no sadness, no attachment, because we knew from the beginning that it was a temporary phenomenon. When we can fully accept that everything is like that, then things get a lot easier. It's not a change made overnight though, maybe a lifetimes work, maybe many lifetimes...

 

The great Buddhist monk Ajahn Cha was noted to say of his favorite cup: "To me, this cup is already broken" meaning he knew it would eventually become unusable, but while it was still in one piece, he could enjoy it very much. When it eventually breaks or get lost, stolen, whatever, he would not mourn, as he had already accepted it's impermanence.

 

This is basic Buddhist thought, nothing original on my part. if you find it interesting, there is a lot of information available on the web. You don't have to become a Buddhist to use it, most of it is pretty down to earth stuff. A good place to start is "The Art of Happiness", by The Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler, a western psychiatrist.

 

Dan

Edited August 12, 2013 by DanF

[rochester21]

How to cope: get another pen. If it`s a modern pen, shouldn`t be a problem.

 

But i couldn`t cope with the fact that someone fires me and tells me "to immediately leave the premises without collecting my things". Which is horrible. What sort of people would do such a thing? As if you stole something and they had to search for it without you being present. Is this common practice?

 

And then they send you a box with what you don`t need, but without the things that you wanted to keep and which were yours. How come this is legal? what if instead of the parker 51 clone you had a solid gold parker 51? Isn`t this considered as theft ???

Edited August 12, 2013 by rochester21

[HandLikeAFist]

Terribly sad story; best to you in the future.

 

30 years ago, I splurged and bought a MB 149, after a lifetime of off-and-on FP use, at Golden Gate Pens in SF. I kept that pen for 20 years as a daily writer. Through moves and the vagaries of a nicely tumultuous life, I always had my pen. Then it was stolen, by my landlord (!). The loss was more traumatic than I ever expected. I never replaced it, never bought another FB.

 

Then a couple of years ago, I was looking at French literary manuscripts on-line, and I remembered that for generations, French school kids had written with a strong and lovely violet ink, consistent across the country. I love that color. One thing led to another, and I discovered J. Herbin Violette Pensee, a close match to that elusive French school ink. I bought a cheap pen to try it out, a Kaweco Sport. Gosh, what a fabulous pen, wonderful writer, handy, smooth nib. I edit books (on paper), so I use it every day.

 

Now I was back in the FP world. I wanted a better pen, something larger and heavier than my Kaweco. I looked at hundreds of pens in stores and on-line, and I finally found a Montegrappa silver Reminiscence and bought it for a good price. I love it. Now I don't miss my 149 at all. Well, maybe a little bit.

[de_pen_dent]

I agree with Korybas, you never fully replace the pen. As you said, it becomes a part of who you were at the time, and your perception of the pen is colored and expanded by the experiences you have during your custody of it. Start building up experiences with a new pen, and remember the old one fondly.

I hope your wife is fully recovered.

 

 

Maybe it is just me, but I do not get such emotional attachment to pens or other inanimate objects.

 

Quite possible, this is b/c I dont have too many experiences that are centered around the pen - the pen is merely a way of recording such experiences. My memories of those experiences do not get transferred to the pen any more than they'd get transferred to the shoes I was wearing when carrying the pen.

 

As far as I am concerned - it is a pen. If I lose it and it was really expensive, I'd be a little bummed at the pointless expense but that's about it. Once I replaced the pen, that'd be it.