A Recovered Pen Addict Bids Farewell

[Betweenthelines]

Hello my name is Betweenthelines, and it has been 1 month since my last purchase.

 

I thought before disappearing off the face of the...website, I would bid you all a very fond farewell, and thank you all for the great fun during my time here. I had a blast in this hobby, and that is thanks, in most part, to this community. I came here about 2 years ago looking for identification on a rollerball pen, and didn't even know what a fountain pen was. Then, before I knew it, I was down the rabbit hole with the rest of you. I could not believe the layers and depth and history in this hobby. There is, indeed, always more to learn, more to discover, more to appreciate. It was such a joy to explore and learn and share with you all. And thanks to you, my handwriting has improved dramatically, and I own more pens and inks and paper than I could ever use in my lifetime. I am so so so glad that this hobby exists, and thrives, and continues to grow today, and I hope that it continues to thrive and grow, well, forever. I remain absolutely passionate about writing, and handwriting (especially cursive), and preserving this fading art, and these incredible instruments that make this art possible. And I may be responsible for quite a few people in my life sharing in fountain pen love as well!

 

That all being said, I thought I'd share a story, and the reason for my departure. Let me just say that this is my experience, and my experience alone. I'm going to go out on a limb here with full disclosure, and let you all make whatever conclusions you want to make.

 

The running joke is that this hobby is an addiction, and while seriously insinuating this can incur the defensiveness of some hobbyists, I can safely say for me my whole fountain pen obsession became a bit (OK more than a bit!) unhealthy. This is probably because I tend to have an addictive/OCD personality, but it has been, like many of you have shared, that endless chase of the rabbit tail - a hunger that can never be satiated. And so the dollars, and perhaps even more importantly, the hours, were spent poured into this hobby and it seemed there would be no bottom. And while I really loved every minute of it, it did get to the point where this obsession of mine started to negatively impact other aspects of my life. I know I'm not alone here. I remember reading a thread in here in which many users were admitting that they were hiding their pen purchases from their spouses - something I've done often myself. And while sure it's something that's easy to dismiss with a laugh and justification, when I'm hiding my purchases from the person I share my life with, that's a definite red flag.

 

Well, I had significantly diminished my buying and obsessing.. but then this ad came up here on FPN that was the perfect lure - a bulk of pens at a great price, with every single pen being one on my wishlist. It was perfect. And so, I engaged in that bartering and justifying - if I swapped this, traded that, and sold this, then I would only be out a couple hundred or so and be up quite a few pens. Then fate, or God (if you believe in that sort of thing), intervened. I was driving my Samurai in a rain storm here in Hawaii one evening, and just as I started thinking about the sale, justifying it to myself (you know how that is), bartering, etc., my Suzi starts struggling. I swear at her and mash the gas, and BAM - CLUNK - CAPOW. She breaks down.

 

I actually laughed out loud. It was an instant karma sort of thing. I hadn't been taking good care of my Suzi, admittedly - and this was one of the aforemnetioned negative impacts of this hobby - I noticed that while I was spending gobs of money on pens, I was very cheap in other realms, and would always think of things in terms of how many pens/inks/journals I could buy ("well I -could- buy a new soft top, but think about what kind of pen I could get for that price!"). Yeah, pretty sad, I suppose. But I would wager there are many more of me out there than people would like to admit.

 

Anyhow, this bit of karma launched me into quite an ordeal that led me to needing a new car, and even more than the financial burden of that, the resulting impact was a complete re-prioritization of my life and my resources. I realized a few things from this:

 

• When you don't have a car anymore, $100+ pens really do seem absurd
• I was spending my money on things as opposed to experiences, and it wasn't filling that void in me
• I was spending a lot of my time obsessing over these things, instead of treating my time as precious
• My Pilot Metro is my most used pen, it's really the only pen I need at the end of the day.
• After going through the trials of the car crisis and having real issues to worry about (other than sprung nibs or scratched barrels), my pen obsession really was revealed to be some kind of a neurotic OCD compulsion
• I have more pens and inks than I could ever use in a life time, and yet I haven't been writing. Doh. Perhaps I was "buying" the time to write?

 

So, long story short, I got "jolted" out of the pen spiral. I really do believe that, for those who are in similar positions, it really isn't about buying that next pen that will give you satiation, or a "complete" collection. As others have stated - it simply doesn't exist. Like all addictions, we are chasing a phantom. I think, instead, it requires something else to take its place, something to fill the void that objects can not. I think it comes back to experiences. And this means that it can actually be the act of writing. I don't know about you guys, but I would notice that, when I would be yearning for that next pen, if I got off the laptop, headed over to my collection, and started writing with my pens, the yearning would stop. I think this is why it is really important to *use* your pens and inks, more than you buy them, or read about them. Because they truly are a joy to write with, but become just another consumer obsession unless they are put to good use.

 

Anyhow, I'll stop now. I just thought I'd share my experience because this topic has come up so often. Thank you, FPN, for all the fun, the teaching, the passion. Much of my collection will most likely make it onto the classifieds here. Keep writing, and keep being pen/ink/paper nerds! We need more of you in the world.

 

Ta ta!

 

[fly_us]

Ok, what will happen to your Nakayas? can i have them because you are the one who lure me into Nakaya :D

 

Jokes apart, enjoy the trip, and of course, don't forget how we enjoy writing with FP and used to be proud with inky fingers.

[puneet.singh]

Congratulations on achieving Enlightenment my friend - well done and I wish you all the best.

Edited October 23, 2015 by puneet.singh

[LeonW]

Thank you BTL for your sobering post. I would take it to heart myself.

 

Totsiens.

 

(edit: predictive texting, eish)

Edited October 23, 2015 by LeonW

[slippery when wet]

Thought provoking sentiments. Keep with the cursive writing and lets hear back from you

[Intellidepth]

Thanks for your honesty and taking the time to carefully share your thoughts so we may benefit from your wisdom and experiences.

[martinbir]

Once you have a few pens and inks the hobby need not be expensive. I spend very little these days; it must be nearly two years since I bought a pen and having had a long spell of spending £10-£20 a month on ink, that has dwindled - this has been an expensive month with a bottle of ink (ESSRI), some shellac and silicon grease; about £22.00 but probably only about £100 over the year. Each weekend my wife has a bottle of wine - all the time my pens etc. cost less than that I have no concern.

 

Of course it is all very subjective, but I find there is great enjoyment to be had from the writing experience itself. The way the pen feels in the hand and as it moves across the page; the look of the ink as it lays onto the paper and then dries. Change either ink or pen and the experience changes with it.

 

So, Betweenthelines, maybe you could concentrate on enjoying what you have, rather that the fruitless search for perfection.

 

Wherever you go from here, enjoy it.

[Cryptos]

EoC wishes to say that BTL will be missed, but reading between the lines it appears that betweenthelines will still be writing and using fountain pens. That is good news!

 

This one has also felt the sharp edge of obsession, and even now spends far too much time looking at pens that will never be bought.

 

It is hoped that BTL will pop back in from time to time to say "hi".

 

In the meantime, EoC offers the best of wishes.

[Forsooth]

Store your pens safely for now. You'll be back. You're obsessive. That's all we need.

[Susan3141]

Thank you for such an honest, eye-opening post.

[fountainpagan]

Thank you, BTL, I have enjoyed your presence.

 

I hope will be well with you. Keep the cursive.

 

All the best to you.

[attika89]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I wish you all the best!
To be honest, I'm starting to have really similar feelings, and realize how much time this obsession takes away from me. I still love it though, but I really need to change something.

[sharonspens]

Thank you for the post; it is hard to take a serious, sober look at how one is spending time/money/energy, then make a significant decision to turn another way. You have recognized and acknowledged your concerns, and perhaps tweaked a few others to take a peek at themselves. I have slowed on the pen BUYING, for some of the same reasons, but now I need to put the brakes on the ink buying.

 

Best wishes to you and your Pilot Metro. May you create the opportunities to journal about the beauty of the community around you!

 

Sharon in Indiana

[Ink Stained Wretch]

And here I am falling off the wagon after years of abstinence with regard to buying pens and inks.

 

All in all though I think you, Betweenthelines, have arrived at a state where you can now appreciate what you do have. Writing with fountain pens, and fiddling with them in various ways, is certainly a part of all of this. And if hanging out on FPN is the cause of your spending too much money and time collecting fountain pens, inks and paper and you are feeling bad about it then you should do what you feel you need to do.

 

But maybe this will be a hiatus in your participation here on FPN, instead of a permanent departure. Maybe you'll come back some time in the future with a different perspective on it all and be able to get the good stuff from this board and not get too obsessed with acquisition.

 

I must say, I have, especially with my recent plummet from the wagon, always consulted my wife about purchases. A relationship with a significant other is one of the most important things in a person's life, so that really needs to come before all hobbies. Be glad that you have someone to share your life with.

 

I've recently gotten a Pilot Metropolitan. I'll take your reference to it as a great endorsement. One of these days I'll actually get around to testing it!

[richila]

Enlightenment is always a blessing. Enjoy your writing.

[haruka337]

Nothing wrong with being satisfied with what one already has (pens or otherwise). There's a balance to everything and I'm glad you're working towards that.

 

I hope you continue to use the pens and inks you do have in good health!

 

Take care.

[Sailor Kenshin]

Best of luck, and please come back and see us sometime.

[Inky.Fingers]

Of love, respect, and community.

[Bo Bo Olson]

Vacations are for those who don't buy.

I have some 60 pens and could get rid of half of them....1/2th of that half wouldn't hurt at all.

 

I just bought a mid '30's or late '40's Pfortzheim barley corn 14 K overlay pen.....well my wife does mention dieting often.

It's not all my fault....she buys jewelry 'cheap' at gold price or even lower at live auctions, where I've been buying my pens at cheaper than Ebay.

 

It is easy to obsess on anything, Single malts, guns....cloths....watches. Moderation in all things. The problem is being moderate with moderation.

 

But to get down to only one pen....is self flagellation....10-15 would do just fine.

[Laura N]

I have seen this with other folks in the fountain pen hobby, so as you suspect, you are not the only one. Good for you for recognizing it and doing something about it. And for sharing it, which might help others. I wish you well.