An email flooded in to Murphy Towers some time back,enquiring about the Organisation, its Aims, its History and its Roots.
There were also a couple of somewhat impertinent questionsabout whether we actually serve a useful purpose! I shall greet that part with the stony silence it merits.
In looking over our records, I also noticed that some of our newer members may not be fully up to speed, as modern day jargon would put it, with our goings on.
To allow my reader some peace of mind, and to enable him or her to sleep without tossing and turning, I will here (and in some later additions,annexes, riders, and corrections) put down what the discerning FPN member needs to know.
Before reading further, my reader is urgently advised to stock up with strong coffee (into which a wee dram has been added) accompanied, perhaps, by a valium sandwich.
Fadó, fadó in Éireann bhí fear arbh ainm dó
Sorry, I sometimes forget that one of our members doesn't speak Gaeilc, so for he/she (I am sworn to secrecy, such is their shame) I shall continue in the language of our next-door neighbour.
To quote Wikipedia: "In far antiquity the Fir Bolg were the rulers of Ireland".
Should one be so unwise as to study the entire entry, one will find an appalling number of errors (I have, of course, sent them a stiff letter on the subject) – for example, they put forward several erroneous theories for the origin of the name Fir Bolg. They are also quite vague when it comes to dates. I have pointed out that, according to our records here, the "far antiquity" should read "from September 3017BC, according to the Bolgian Calendar".
"Fir" is easy: in Gaelic it means "men"
When we get to the Bolg, however, the scholars are distressingly unsure of themselves, so for their sakes:
The "Bolg" was actually phonetically derived-
The King ofthe Fir Bolg, one Eocaidh (pr. 'ukee') was married to the lovely Mary Bridget O'Shaughnessy, of the Cork O'Shaughnessys,who was known for feeding their warriors with her famous nettle soup, to prepare their minds and bodies for battle. The "Bolg" comes from the sounds heard from the soldiers quarters after drinking the soup.
It should be pronounced with a slight protrusion of the tongue, while leaning forward from the waist clutching the stomach.
Interestingly (?) the fact that she garnished the soup with nettle leaves may also account for the fact that the Fir Bolg warriors were all reputed to speak with a pronounced lisp (Lisp, pr. "Lisp")
"He digresses", I hear the reader mutter.
I digress not, for Eocaigh was a direct ancestor of mine!
It will be immediately apparent that being of my own bloodline, he was a fair and just king. I quote from the Ó Murchú Annals Vol II, Folios 34-37 "he feeded his peasants wythe the fynest of potatoes, each given three mejum syzed potatoes per family member, per week. He also confyned his ravishinge of vyrgins to four days per calendar monthe"
What more need I say?
Unfortunately (make note of that word, for it will be seen frequently) his purity and innocence was to lead to his downfall.
On 2nd March 2972 BC, an overcast Tuesday, the Tuatha Dé Danann arrived.
Aside: "How do you pronounce THAT?"
"Thoo-aha Day Dhanawn"
"Oh good, visitors", said Eocaigh.
"Oh **** - INVADERS!", said Missus Eocaigh.
Unfortunately (see note above) while they argued back and forth, the Tuatha Dé Danann captured most all of his lands.
In the aftermath it was decided to hold TALKS.
Firstly both sides formed committees, then arranged (through an intermediary) to have Proximity Talks.
Finally things were settled when the Tuatha Dé Danann sneakily enlisted the aid of an adjacent goddess, The Morrigan, who did a very nasty and terminal thing to poor old Eocaigh.
So impressed were they by the fighting spirit of the Fir Bolg that they allowed them to hold on to a quarter of the country.
Missus Eocaigh, after a desolate 7 minutes of mourning, fell in love with, and married, one of the richer looking members of the invading force, and continued the family line.
That, you will be pleased to hear, is all for now.
Hopefully the next 'episode' will take us lurching towards the present day, but I would ask the reader to study hard - there will be a stiff examination at the end of the series.