Coming Clean

[Lucinda]

I've been lurking and soaking in new information for a couple of weeks now, and it's looking like the longer I read and the more I use my new pens, the more likely I am to hang around even longer. I feel the nigh irresistable draw of a growing obsession, but it may be to late to escape. Oh well. If you can't beat 'em...

 

I'm a 38 year-old Kept Woman (otherwise known as "housewife" in less imaginative terms), married 15 1/2 years, with two ravishing daughters (ages 8 and 12) who are rapidly aging their very protective father. I write. I take care of family things. Occasionally something gets published. Occasionally I clean off the desk, and we have a weenie and marshmallow roast above the litter.

 

One of my first memories is painstakingly carving my name into my grandmother's piano with a ballpoint pen. Fountain pens, I'm finding, are much smoother writers and require much less pressure. My family members and furniture rejoice.

 

Another of my early memories is of being threatened by my mother with physical violence perpetrated upon my person if I ever, EVER, EVER wrote on myself again with ink. Happily, fountain pens are healing this childhood trauma as well, since they provide ample opportunity to be amply inky without having to actually do any purposeful writing upon oneself.

 

Fountain pens. The answer to all life's difficulties. If only I'd known sooner!

 

Glad to be here,

Cindy

Edited March 13, 2006 by Lucinda

[southpaw]

Hello Cindy and welcome to FPN. Glad to hear FPs are helping you with your childhood "issues" . Hope you enjoy them and look forward to seeing you around.

[Lucinda]

Thank you very much, Southpaw, and thanks for the link to your ink sampler on the other thread. Actually, it was that sampler that made me begin eyeing the Herbins semi-seriously.

[Ann Finley]

Wow! Yet another Missourian! Welcome, Cindy ! Guess you know you're setting yourself up for 3 addictions--there's paper in addition to all of the FPs and wonderful inks to explore.

 

Guess you've noticed the new indices for FP reviews and ink reviews. These will aid your new obsession(s) quickly!

 

Best, Ann

[ballboy]

So Lucinda, does your grandmother still have that autographed piano?

[BMWRT]

Welcome Cindy,

 

AS a father I am glad I did not have girls

[Theophilus]

Welcome Cindy from one new member to another. I understand your husband, being that I am the over-protective father of two now *teenage* girls (13 & 15).

 

Theo

[dr4kds]

Welcome. The more from Missouri; the Better!

 

Cordially

 

Jack (also new to the group)

[Lucinda]

Thanks, everyone, for the welcomes. I feel like I've been directed toward an overstuffed chair by the fireplace, had a drowsy cat draped across my lap, and been handed a cup of hot tea.

 

Ann--Paper? Really?! That could be dangerous! I've been surprised by the number of Missourians here and am quite happy about it. Sometimes Great Scott (my husband) and I are tempted to feel like we're the only ones in the state who hang out at office supply stores when we go on date nights. It's nice to know we're in good company.

 

Ballboy--One of my aunts now has the piano. She had it refinished a few years back, so if I ever become a famous author, I'm afraid it won't be worth as much as it might have been with the "signature" intact.

 

BMWRT--As a mother and having heard the stories about my husband and his brother when they were younger, I'm glad I didn't have boys!!

 

Theo--Every girl needs an over-protective father, especially teenage girls. Just wait until they start getting upset about the guys who want to date them but won't, out of fear of you. That's when you know you're doing your job right! Your girls sound blessed in their daddy.

 

Jack--Yay! Another Missourian! Welcome right back to you.

[Onion]

Welcome aboard! I have always loved the name Lucinda. Ever since I heard Joe Cocker sing a great version of the Randy Newman song "Lucinda"...

 

I have two daughters myself, and when I am not cleaning my fountain pens I am cleaning my weapons in preperation for "Dating" .... sigh. Figure when a boy comes over I'll pull out two bullets, print his name on one and give it to him, and print his name on another and keep that one. I'll tell him "That bullet is for you, you'll notice it has your name on it, I have one here also and it too has your name on it. If you ever hurt my daughter, I will be giving this bullet to you as well!!!"

 

Ok it will probably never happen but as a father it makes me feel better. It also helps to be kind of a BIG guy!!!

Edited March 15, 2006 by Johnny Mannion

[Bill D]

Welcome to the forum, Lucinda

 

My daughter is 20 and gorgeous and away at college. There are a lot of things I probably don't want to know :bonk:

 

Anyway, I always found a lot of comfort & inspiration in this:

 

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

 

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

 

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

 

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

 

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

 

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

 

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

 

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

 

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

 

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[southpaw]

Bill, many thanks for posting that! I heard it on the radio some years ago and could not find it. That's hilarious! It's also one reason I'm very thankful my wife and I had a son, because it so describes how I would have been with a daughter. I pasted it into a word processor file for safe keeping. I do plan on showing it to my son when he gets older and reminding him that's how he needs to treat the girls he dates.

[Lucinda]

Johnny and Bill--I have been laughing nigh unto wheezing. Oh, wonderful, wonderful ideas. I am sharing them with Great Scott posthaste.

 

We moved back into a rural area nine years ago after having lived in the city the first six years of our marriage. Our older daughter was three at the time. Scott told our friends he could see we were going to need more space in the backyard to bury boys. He will greatly appreciate your contributions to the Daddy Arsenal of Protective Measures.

[JimStrutton]

I think Bill's rules are GREAT,

 

I showed them to my younger and only Sister, she said that Dad was bad, but not as bad as two older and over protective brothers!

 

By the way, Hi Cindy!!! :blink:

 

Err this is some sort of fountain pen site right? OK time to take the pills again, or rather the Pils cooling in the fridge, now we are talking

 

Welcome,

 

Jim