How do you explain this longevity, then?
"Hostess: The brand's history dates back to 1919, when the Hostess CupCake was introduced to the public, followed by Twinkies® in 1930. Today, Hostess produces a variety of new and classic treats including Ding Dongs®, Ho Hos®, Donettes® and Fruit Pies, in addition to Twinkies® and CupCakes."
98 years of junk and counting.
Because, as any fule kno, Twinkies were invented by the government/OSS/CIA as part of an Illuminati-sponsored programme of mass-population mind-control!
The ersatz 'cream' in them contains an entirely synthetic chemical agent whose metabolically bi-sterbile effect hyper-excites the area of the brain known to neurologists as Shatner's Bassoon.
For a brief time in the late sixties, underground counter-culture drop-out chemists managed to synthesise the active ingredient, and it was briefly sold under the street name 'Cake'.
The effects on consumers of prolonged use of/exposure to 'Cake' were extremely negative, and the behaviours it induced were alarming even to the idealistic hippie chemists who had started to sell it as a new 'consciousness-expanding trip' (man).
Rumours still persist down to this day of incidents in which Federal Authorities had to resort to Extreme Measures to pacify an inter-connected chain of Cake-addled 'alternative communities' in the geographically-isolated forested mountains of No-Cal.
These refuse to die, despite repeated denials by the Federal government (and, indeed, by anyone you might ask who was actually alive at the time). Such uniformity of blanket denials is too suspicious to be trustworthy!
The rumours will not die... amongst other things, claims persist that the crack teams of troops who were initially deployed to deal with the situation - soldiers who had already seen terrible
things in SE Asia - were so horrified by the savagery that they encountered in this campaign (that had ironically been code-named 'Cake-walk'), that they refused to fight, and insisted that the Feds instead send-in squads of rabid wolverines to settle the issue.
The hippie chemists were also so freaked out that they all stopped producing Cake very rapidly, and even started a campaign to anathematise it among their contemporaries and potential customers.
In the first flowering of the Sixties movement back towards natural and organic products, they did so by popularising the slogan among their fellow 'heads' that, rather than being healthy and natural 'like the sacred herb', Cake is a completely made-up drug
This was successful, but the horrors wrought by the Cake episode stayed in the public sub-conscious. They caused the complete disillusionment of an entire generation, and the psychic fall-out led to the collapse of the idealistic visions of an alternative, peaceful future.
The result was the Nixon government, a growing cynicism with (and rejection of) the American Dream by the American people, and the putting-in-train of a sequence of escalating unconscious self-sabotage of US civilisation has now, at last, finally culminated in an outcome that is surely unthinkable in any rational
democracy - the bizarre spectacle of the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series
But I have said too much already!
In any case I see that Dr. Gonzo is waiting (along with our Samoan Attorney) to take me to our meeting with Mr. Chris Morris in London, in order to discuss increasing the strength of my medication....
Edited by Mercian, 29 March 2017 - 00:10.