I was a high school dropout with personal hygiene and self-confidence issues. I used to work the night shift at the Qwik-E Mart, and hadnt had carnal relations with anyone else for years. I couldnt even afford meth - which meant I ended up gaining 60lb and a tendency to sweat profusely. My life, in short, wasnt going anywhere. The most I could aspire to was the day shift at the Qwik-E Mart, and a last-page mail order bride from a former Soviet block nation (one of the desperate ones, not the pretty ones, at that).
Then, one day, while i was sifting through the dumpster for my dinner, I heard a sound. Something had fallen from one of the windows of the apartment above me. I looked and I couldnt see anything except a chip in the concrete that hadn't been there a few moments ago. I searched some more, and found it - a lambent shaft of smooth basaltic rock adorned with brass, with the words Visconti written on it. Hmm, an old-style pen. Who uses these things anymore, I wondered. I grabbed it and stuck it in my pockets, thinking i could sell it for some meth later, and went back to searching the dumpster for my meal, after which I walked into the Qwik-E Mart to start my shift.
"Damn, DPD, ever heard of a shower?", the departing evening shift guy, Todd, said as he walked away. Todd and I are good friends. This is our daily banter. He lives either alone or with his family (I am not sure, we dont talk much) somewhere in town (dont know where, never been invited to his house) and has a lot of hobbies (dont know which ones - as I said, we dont talk much).
Later that night, I was sitting there trying to do something about an itch in a private location when 2 very pretty ladies walked in, obviously after a party. As they were in line to pay, a guy walking in with a gun and pointed it at me, asking me for the money in the till. My brain was frozen in terror, i didnt know what to do and I think I may have peed a little into my shorts. The mugger then shot me - the bullet hit me in the chest and I collapsed, with only the fleeting thought that even though my life hadnt turned out the way I had envisaged when I was at Caltech, i still had many more miles to go and that this wasnt supposed to be how it ended.
As I lay on the ground, waiting for the Death, the mugger turned and pointed his gun at the two ladies, who were shocked by this casual display of violence. However, as he was rifling through their purse, I realized something - my heart was still beating. I reached towards my pocket and found that same piece of smooth, basaltic rock that had fallen from an apartment. Or had it been dropped by my guardian angel? Regardless. a new hope flooded through me. Anything from now on would be an additional bonus to my life, so I decided to stop fearing the Reaper and stood up. Righteous rage flowed through my body into the pen and I walked up to the mugger and brandishing that Palladium soft BB nib at him, said "Hey buddy, miss me?".
He turned in surprise - and his eyes wandered down to the pen in my hand and widened in shock.
"A... a Visc.. Visconti! I am sorry, I did not know"
And with that, he dropped his weapon and lay down grovelling at my feet.
After the cops took him away, the two ladies looked at me in a whole new way.
"You are so brave" said one.
"You saved our lives" said the other
"How can we thank you" said the first
"Do I smell pee" said the second
"You must come and wash yourself at our place - we are housemates" said the first
"We have a jacuzzi - which fits 3" said the second
As we were leaving and I turned to lock the door, I heard one of them ask the other:
"Is that a Visconti in his pockets or is he happy to see us".
That day changed my life. Thank you, Visconti Homo Sapiens, made of unbreakable basaltic lava.