... the absolute *must have* item to make your whole year complete is now fresh off the press and ready to be dispatched *exclusively* to the inmates (sorry) members of FPN...

Trust me, these are inspired, straight out of the Peach Brain and delivered direct to your door at no expense spared and surrounded by a lot of card board and parcel tape.

Now, how many do you want and where do I send them?

What the hell?

Sounds like a may need 3 please! I'll gladly pay you next month if you can ship tomorrow...

I can't make up my mind.

A "must have?" I must have it!

Wow, you lot are such cynics Now look, just because you don't have any idea what I'm babbling about, doesn't mean that you can afford to just decide you don't need or want them. You do - you just don't know you do quite yet. You will when you see them.

Oh I see... you want to see them first. Well I don't know. Do you think you're ready for a sneak preview? Perhaps we should take a vote on this.

Wouldn't want to wear out anyone's *pleasure circuits* or anything...

Hell, I think I need one.

If they get you to this state, I definitely need one......

Of course I must have it.

Unless, that is, SWMBO says I must not have it.

If Peachez is promoting it, it might be too much fun.

Andy

Any more information would just confuse me more and make my decision even harder.

Oh good grief See, you're not going to want just *one*. You'll want lots And no Andy, Mrs Andy will not be in the least cross that you got some. They (I'm using the plural because you really will have to have squillions of them to share the joy) are not rude, illegal or fattening.

If you are into rude, illegal and fattening...move along there... nothing to see here...

How much fun could they be if they aren't rude, illegal, or fattening?

Anything snuck out of MT would be one of the above.

The mind boggles.

Do I want 4 squillion or 5 squillion?

Andy (those overloaded aging pleasure circuits are going critical)

If Peachez says I need them... then I must need them :-)

Awaits with anticipations.

Kev

My uncle used to have one... he didn't like it.

Don't be silly. You're uncle couldn't possibly have had one of these. If he'd had one exactly like this, he'd have trashed my copyright which only came into force an hour ago. So, your uncle is a time traveller is he? This time travelling relative of yours did he land on the Flipside in 1988 to correct a blip in the 'time/space' continueum? Was his name Dominick? Maybe, when seducing ladies he used the name Gilby. Does he still hang around in Rayners Lane?

(Stay with me on this and do some googling...)

I think not

So, let's be sensible. What really happened is that your uncle got his hands on a lesser version, a poor relation to what is now available and because it didn't make him laugh, he binned it. Sensible chap, your uncle. I always thought so. So now you can buy him a first class ticket to mirthdom and make his life complete...

Sounds like a certain brand of potato chip............betcha can't want just one!

John

On the basis of that unassailable logic, I suspect I'd better have half a dozen. Seeing's how I need 'em and all...
Err... Not to be crass, but: How much do they cost?

Wait! We're not talking about Tribbles here... are we?

Can you bring them to the Pen Show? Anything this special I wouldn't trust to the post.......will I be able to carry mine home?

I give you the epitemy of perfect mirthdom and you want (and I really can't believe it would even *enter* anyone's head) to know how much they cost???

Folks, these are priceless (And also, I haven't yet worked out how much they are going to be because it's tricky on the comsumables and because there's an R in the month. I'm working on it. So far I've come up with 42 but I'm not sure if that's dollars, cents, euros or shirt buttons.)

As for the London show. I won't be there because I have a prior engagement in France. However, these delicious items are still more than likely to be available for purchase at the London show. I'll bring you more details as I have them

As for carrying them home... yes Casmi - perfectly doable, provided you don't go for more than 2 squillion. And remember to bring a hanky - lots of hankies actually.

So, at the risk of crashing the site, sending servers into meltdown and having to connect to the internet via what ever old pentium you have and a set of jump leads, does anyone want to take a look???

Well......I uh think so...maybe.....

Please forgive me...

Okay, I was in a bad mood last night. I'm intrigued, but don't want to seem too interested as the price might get hiked up.

I have a 'friend' who wants to know: will there be discounts for buying in bulk, and what sort of transportation/packaging will be required for oooohh... say six squillion? I personally wouldn't advise selling them to him however, as I think he plans to corner the market and sell them off slowly via eBay. Possibly as part of the Benz collection.

David.

Right. This 'friend' of yours... is he a grumpy git too? Here's the news, I don't sell to just *anyone* you know. I'm kinda fussy and prefer to be treated with a little respect. Now I don't go a lot on 'artistic temper tantrums' but for you, I just might make an exception.

The price is the price. It doesn't go up or down. It's the cost of the consumables plus a bit to keep my bank manager happy and he's about as hard to please as you are, only without the attitude.

So having been busy with the calculator all afternoon - the price has come out at £5 sterling or $10 USD. This does not include shipping and I'm asking folks to add on a little extra to cover shipping costs but that's down to the buyer. I don't want to rip anyone off on shipping.

So we agree on something. You are grumpy and you don't think I should sell to your friend. That's cool. I wont.

Absolutely.

You still want to know how much they cost though, right? £5 sterling, £10USD. This does not include shipping and I'm leaving it to FPN members to decide how much to tack on for shipping costs.

You're not at the London Show??

I'm cutting down so will keep it to one squillion (and I'll bring the big bag.....)

Who will have them? WHO WILL HAVE THEM?!?!

Well remember what happened last year so I think it's best that I keep out of trouble this year

However, these delightful items will be available on the day from one of our number. He will require anyone wishing to purchase to prove they are either a fully paid up member of FPN or MT. How you go about doing that is entirely between you and possibly the police if you should get arrested. I think pink lycra for the men would be nice and maybe the ladies could wear a button hole, fashioned out of a Guinness widget. Fishnets might also work...

uh, are franchise's available...

Will you accept sloe gin in barter? Or just plain gin, for that matter?

Can you say, "flux capacitor"?

Is a kazillion more than a squillion? If so,then I can afford a few............

John

"Fishnets might also work................"


I'm beginning to think that this whole thing smelts pretty bad to the tuna a few squi(d)llion. On second thought,
I'm scaling back and taking back my kazillion `cause I think there's a red herring in this deal..................

John

Absolutely not! This is *ART* I tell you, not some tawdry trinket to be mass produced and stacked high and sold cheap! (Honestly, this really is too much... )

Of course! You supply the gin, I can turn it into sloe gin and we could clean up on solving the western world's fuel crisis. I've always wanted to find out if my old Micra can fly...

I'm sure on this basis I can keep you supplied with my unique *must have* items.

Heck, if the price is right and it makes you happy, I can say anything you like...

But I think you're in the wrong movie here. Dominick Hyde appeared in Rayner's Lane long before The Doc started tinkering with the DeLorean. Ask your uncle, unless of course he's on a mission to the Flipside...

Nowt fishy about this at all, in fact it hasn't even been anywhere near MT. I think The Boss was worried that we'd have shedloads of punters hammering on the door begging to collect in person. That would compromise security some what and then the wet squad would get involved (who don't exist anyway) and imagine if any member of FPN fell in the moat? No, the international consequences would be too serious...

Fishnets though - well there's nothing bad gonna happen with fishnets is there?

Over here in Oz, we put a leader of the Loyal Opposition in some once.



Didn't do him any good. He still lost...

Nah, it's not the fishnets that did for your man. It was the heels wot did for him. Goodness, *anyone* who imagined that those heels with those trousers was ever going to work, really should have been taken out and shot by the fashion police a long time ago.