How Prevalent is backchannel bad behavior?
Kurt (Titivlilus) stated in another thread that he has been subjected to this kind of behavior.
I've never received offensive messages backchannel. In fact, all of my pms have been very friendly so far, but I am wondering if I'm the exception.
Have you received personal messages or emails that you have found offensive, flaming, bullying, etc from other FPN members?
How many times?

Edit to add: Following Savarez's sage advice - Please do not air dirty laundry in this thread.

I'm in the 1-5 bracket. Which is remarkably low I think. They've always been about a topic I was contributing to in Chatter and the writer felt that he/she needed to correct me about the way the world works without publicly challenging me.

I've never experienced bullying backchannel msgs about my pen or ink choices like Kurt was alluding to.

My vote is "0", but, honestly I can't help but wonder if elevating this to a "poll" isn't just an invitation to air dirty laundry?

If someone sends you an inappropriate or offensive PM, just report it to the moderators and block the offender, and move on.

Like any community, as much as we all try to get along, there will be a small percentage of personality conflicts and borderline behavior. And, frankly, some people here are just plain easily offended. It's okay. The moderators here do a great job, and keep the place running smoothly.

Just the one time for me. Following a sarcastic comment I'd made on the forum, I was kindly offered (via PM) to kiss my interlocutor's a**, an offer which I politely declined . Best,
David

I've had very few unpleasant messages and they almost don't qualify as offensive.

However, they did include:

1. Moderators invoking their authority, unneccessarily, in my view
2. A heated argument with a FPN member who was advocating the Church of Scientology as a legitimate religion
3. A couple of "political" spats

Of course, the infamous (now deleted) ketan from Georgia who engaged in fradulent trading via PMs, took many members for some fine pens (ultimately many were returned) and took me for 6 bottles of ink (never returned).

Otherwise, the PM has been a useful and friendly exchange.

Andy

It's probably also worth pointing out that you can disable the PM feature for your account and set up your preferences to ignore specific users . Then you can talk to those people you like via email and make everyone else post openly on the board in response to your comments.

I voted "0", never really had anything but pleasant PM's, not that there have been that many, but they have all been well mannered.

New Adage :

"(S)He that flameth not in public is flamed not in private"

or the opposite:

"(S)He that incites flames in public shalt be flamed backchannel"

I've only received friendly pm's.

No unpleasant e-mails or PMs. I have a pretty thick skin, so someone will have to really work at it to get to me backchannel. If they put that much effort into it, I'd probably be more impressed than pi$$ed.

I voted 0. I may have sent an offensive message or two though...

Eeeek!

I agree wholeheartedly.BTW,I've never received any flaming PM'S--I try to keep myself from getting too hot under the collar
(only with chatter--I'm always willing to listen to someone's knowledge (about a brand of pen)that I didn't know before).
As an aside,I don't see a problem with a poll;I think the intent isn't to give anyone a chance to air dirty laundry(the monitors will take care of that problem)but to see and show that the PM problem isn't as big as it seems.

John

I find it a little ironic that private communications, at least those I have received, have been more civil than public ones. I have received some responses to posts which I could have found offensive, but I doubt anyone on this forum is willing to work hard enough to offend me (this is not a challenge, merely a statement that I do not take offence). I understand how communications in Chatter can sometimes get rather heated, as I have been a participant in some potentially and actually heated Chatter discussions; however, in the interest of clear communications, I always paused and considered the possible/probable effect of a reaction as opposed to a response to posts which might have tempted me to anger. I have not always succeeded, but have attempted to always present a patient, reasoned response, rather than a heated diatribe.

I count it very much to the credit of the forum members that nobody has taken the opportunity in a PM to upbraid me in terms which would not be allowed in the forum at large.

Donnie

I voted 0.

I have only ever been treated with the utmost courtesy on the FPN, both frontchannel and backchannel, even when I, or more rarely, the other person , have been wrong.

It seems to me that the significance of the number of PMs received is also a function of (1) how long the person has been a FPN member, (2) how regular their presence is, and (3) how many posts they've made. If someone has been here under a year, has made a couple of hundred posts and checks the 0-5 bracket, that has different implications then if someone who has been here for 3+ years and has made thousands of posts checks the same bracket.

I checked "0-5". I have been here for just over a year, with a 5 month absence in the middle of that period. I don't think that I am particularly argumentative or controversial in nature, and I am never rude in my posts. But my opinions sometimes go against some commonly accepted notions here, and that is what caused the "hostile pms" in each case. One series of such pms I received was inspired by my posting a critical comment about Nakaya pens. The other was a result of a thread in Chat, where I said that many enforcers of PC behaviour in American universities are two-faced career opportunists rather than sincere proponents of gender equality.

All together, I received three series of "bad" PMs in the course of my membership here. I do not know about other boards, but I am guessing this is actually a comparatively good record.

QM2

Zero!

I think it's better, if you feel the need, to post what could be seen as a 'provocative' response in the public forum, because you can then see if others agree with you, or shoot you down.

Sending a PM, by definition, makes your comment more 'personal'....it's something I have done as a moderator in other forums, when I just wished to have 'a quiet word', or, in a very few cases, a not-so-quiet word

There is no need, IMO however, to be intentionally offensive, even under provocation...leave the mods to deal with public comments, and ignore or block the private ones.

Unfortunately, sometimes one does unintentionally give offence.....and if you get such feedback you can then choose either to stand by your comment (and maybe say "I am sorry you found it offensive; it was not my intention"), or to retract and/or apologise.

I have never had an offensive PM on any forum, and only a very few 'rude' responses in public ....usually when my attempt at a gentle 'leg-pull' was taken more seriously than I intended

Zero. :)

Misinterpretation is rife on the internet, and at the end of day these things are simply not worth worrying about.

I try hard not to participate in self-indulgent little rambles or add comments if they have no value. If someone annoys me, I move on and try to ignore them. (Not literally, of course... I don't have that luxury. ;)

I am not thick-skinned... I'm sensitive and I do take things very personally. I have no interest in being involved in some spat over the internet, of all things, so I just try to shrug it off and press on.

And even though it's very difficult, I always try to remember the following: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

ZERO Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff

0 for me too. The only messages I have had have been welcome and interesting.

I have received only friendly PMs.

I'm pretty sure that I am more likely to elicit a puzzled look than anger.

Please not that when I was an administrator I was the lightening rod for all things that any admin did so I got alot of nasty PMs because the person believed that I did whatever happened.

I have received much less as a civilian.

Kurt

But you can't block PMs from moderators and administrators as part of the system setup.

Kurt

On a planet where there is such potential for unhappiness (earth) I choose to see the world through fountain pen colored glasses (on this forum at least), hence, I am here for pen related wonderfulness. I believe that I have intentionally avoided setting myself up for all sorts of comments and feedback of an unfriendly nature by simply not commenting in a place where my sensibilities tell me, "DON'T GO THERE!"

Since lots of folks will generally agree that their own children don't listen to them most of the time (it's the nature of the beast) why should they, on a forum that deals with fountain pens, get themselves involved in or upset over any other topic? There are so many things that I could say or try to change but I leave that for a small circle around me and for my students who I do try to impress with what I believe to be "positive direction".

In the scheme of things, I believe that we will more readily take advice from people we admire or love so why waste any time in the attempt to air an opinion with which half of our audience will surely find fault, and the other half will most certainly read and as easily forget? A perfect example of this came to me in the form of a holiday greeting card question. Of the dozens and dozens of cards I send out to forum members each year, only one person has ever openly observed that she hoped she wasn't offending me by her choice of card subject. I thought it was quite telling and very much indicative of the fact that most folks just assume and accept things because that's just how most of them were raised. It doesn't make us "bad" or "good", it is just how most of us are, that's all. This one individual obviously learned, some where along the way, that there is a possibility that not all people walk the same path and that not all paths have to be the same.

If my kids at home or in school ever tell me they don't want to hear my opinion, I may then seek a paying position that allows me to opine to my heart's content. Until that time I prefer (here at least) to dream about, collect and have fun with pens, paper and all the wonderful people who contribute to this very interesting pursuit.

Only friendly PM's to me... never so much as even a questionable one. Wouldn't matter if I did receive them though, I'd simply block the sender and forget he/she even exists. To get worked up over internet posts is absolutely self induced stress. Not even worth the nanosecond of thought required to hit the "block" button.

When I do see people getting up in arms over forum posts, I simply laugh and say to myself "Dave, you may be an idiot, but at least you're smarter than THAT guy". On the couple of time my dander has been raised, I simply pull out the ole trusty Inflatasheep with the battery powered "Baaaaaah" and go off into my own world of ecstasy until the desire for strangulation subsides. A successful strategy thus far.

Fountain Pens Rule!
Dave

The vast majority of people here have been pleasant to me.

Voted 1-5, would have been nil if not for a strange mail from a new member sometime last year, but he/she had sent the same mail to a large number of members and was quickly barred.

Other than that nothing but helpful mails pointing out places to buy pens I had mentioned in posts etc.

Andy

It's all been good on here, even when I've dropped trou and spoken my mind thoroughly in Chatter.

Its been pretty quiet for me as well.. then again I think about what I just wrote before I hit the add reply button.

I have never received a rude or inappropriate backchannel message. I'm frankly surprised to hear that others have received such personal messages, because my impression of this board is that it is composed of civilized people with a shared interest in fountain pens that binds them together.

Unfortunately some people can't be civil either in public or private. It's unfortunate but that is true of most groups.


Most of the hostile emails I got were from people who were when I was an admin and were blaming me for what was happening on the site. I can't say that since I was removed that there have been many but I think some of the mis-applied animosity still lingers around me in both public and private communications from people on the board.

Kurt

What he said.

What you both said....but you will always get the occasional prat! (I see my American spell-checker doesn't recognize that word )

Zero.

Of course the people who HAVE experienced "backchannel bad behavior" are intimidated into keeping quiet : ))

I swallowed it. Reason being "No point.' This is only a Hobby Play.
I am not intimidated. Give me a pm I will compile a lists on the user. Trust me

All reply have been nice, including you and me

I think I voted 1-5 even though I don't recall specific instances. I think there were a couple of discussions that started off friendly but became heated but never really flaming.

I've been here since the board started so I think that's a pretty good record. Not that I haven't been flamed in public.

I have never had a nasty PM backchannel. Close,but not really aggressive.

Jim

In my two years in this forum, I sent 8 PMs, and received 9 replies. The answers were always friendly, including two from the same poster with whom I have deep political differences. I have no complains about PMs.

Zero for me. Only received pleasant PMs.

received one nasty PM, which shocked me, but I told the toad never to contact me again. I then deleted and blocked.
I think I went to Starbucks to celebrate.

edited, because I like the cute little letters.

I have only received one slightly snarky message "backchannel" (do we have to call it that?) and a few less than friendly responses when I first started posting here. I have received some lovely messages PM'ed by other members and I have enjoyed some very well thought out responses in threads I have been a part of.

There is, in my view, a bit of a misconception that the longstanding members are more polite than the newer ones. I've been here about two years and that hasn't been my experience at all.

I think the bigger misconception is that you can group politeness chronologically. people are people no matter how long they post here.

Kurt

No interactions I've had here have ever made me feel otherwise than delighted to belong to this community.

Within minutes after login on my second visit to this board (I've been a member for less than 2 weeks) I got a lovely friendly PM asking about my experience with Taccia Staccato, and have had a couple rounds of cordial PM exchange with said member.

Has anyone else experienced a software issue while onsite in which a window pops up saying that a security certificate is from a company the OS doesn't trust? I click Cancel as often as needed until it goes (not affecting the main site display) but I wonder what's happening.

No PMs back or front channel. One " go crawl under a rock" response from a member on a forum item response I made (I let my humor get the better of my judgement). I sent a note of apology to the person who recommended "rock therapy" and one to the moderator of the forum (with the apology as an attachment). I have had one or two of my snarky remarks removed but removal was justified and they were harmless (but most likely tasteless) jests that I have made, again-well within the perview and authority of the board or moderator and which did not hurt my feelings one bit or infringe on my freedoms. Frankly, I am glad that we have this Network and I will do my best to help and support it any way I can.

Zero.

Yes indeed, and there are wonderful people here.

I'm still astonished that there are people here who have experienced bad behavior from other members through back channel communications. I've taken a number of controversial positions in my posts, yet I have never once received an inappropriate back channel response. My personal interactions with the FPN community have been uniformly positive over the past two years, even though I disagree violently with the positions taken by many members on certain recurring topics (usually involving political issues or the unfair stereotyping of pen companies).