I spend the two weeks before this event painting myself into oblivion and risking the loss of several digits cutting mounts with a blade sharper than Billary Clinton’s tongue. I get used to surviving on 5 hours sleep a night and waking in a cold sweat worrying that I’m going to run out of indigo paint and I really can’t afford to buy any more.
So somehow I get it all done and I load up my nasty little car with print racks and paintings and signs saying ‘haggling encouraged’ and ‘make me an offer’ and find the venue at the back of beyond.
The dismal awfulness of the place isn’t enhanced by the peeling orange paint on the walls and the smell of age old damp. Fortunately I am allocated a table near the only heater in the place and I set up my stall. The organiser appears. I know she's the organiser because she has a bit too much lipstick on (that's nearly the same colour as the walls) is wearing a too tight skirt and there's a whiff of Christian Dior from 50 paces. She flits about with a clip board held tightly against a pearl clad chest smiling brightly and telling everyone that it’s going to be a great day full of cash laden punters. Right. I immediately wonder what drugs she is taking and consider telling her to half the dose.
We had 16 stall holders and a grand total the entire hateful, horrid, mind numbing day of 15 customers. We all looked around desperately at each other and as I was also sitting by a window, I could warn my fellow stall holders that potential customers were incoming by yelling ‘punters spotted at 3 o’clock, ETA two minutes’ thus giving the nice lady on the dried flower stall time to stop sobbing and find a hanky.
We tried, we really did but at the end of the day, I was the ‘top earner’ having made a profit of … (wait for it…) ten quid!!! Some poor folks earned absolutely nowt and were seriously out of pocket.
So even with my ‘top earner’ status, it isn’t going to impress my bank manager one little bit and the chances of me being able to buy any indigo paint sometime before Christmas 2012 are slim.
So, I’ve put everything on ol’ fleabay on ‘buy it now.’ It would be really helpful to me, if you wouldn’t mind, if you’re in the market for brightening up a blank wall or a gift for your cousin’s dog’s birthday (or something) if you would take a look. If you see anything you like the look or it’s entirely possible you could convince my slightly hysterical bank manager that I am not a mad woman, unfit to be in charge of a cheque book when her overdraft reads like a telephone number.
Here’s a link to little me and my stuff.
http://search.ebay.co.uk/_W0QQsassZpeachez...1QQfsooZ1QQrdZ0
Fanks. Anyone wants me, I'll be in the cupboard under the stairs with a bottle of Fitou and some chocolate...
