Hi All,

I have always been intrigued by staff rhyme or alliteration, because of its forcefulness and the rhythm it creates. This was triggered at high school during one of the discussions we had on poetry, rhyming schemes etc.
In our text book we had an example, which was the oldest recorded sentence in this style in West-European history. It was a rune carving in a horn, dating to the early 9th century, which said: “Ek Hlewagir Holtargast horna tawido”. It means “I, Hlewagir, Holtar’s son, have crafted this horn”. Considering I remember it till this day, about 35 years later , it did make an impression. And I think even in English, or Dutch for that matter, it still has power.
Of course, later on I ran into many examples of this type of rhyme. Classical Greek was one of the subjects taught at high school, and the Odyssey is just full of this stuff. It starts right at the beginning, too.
Anyway, as I really like alliteration as a rhyming scheme, I have tried it in a couple of poems I wrote. Here is an example, where I try to describe a sunrise.
BTW, alliteration doesn't necessarily imply rhyming at the start of a word. At the start of a syllable is allowed too, especially if it is a syllable with emphasis.

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Sunrise


the darkness dull and deep diminishes
a twinge of twilight threading through
a mystic mood meanders morning
appearing acutely, arching astutely
the misty meadows, the murky mountains


rays of radiance revelling red
luminous light of longing, lingering
slowly, surely sneaking in, shards of shining
caress and kiss the crests incredulous
a waxing warmth weaves the world a welcome
feigning frailty fallaciously


glowing, glaring gold of goodness
elects to elevate electric
bringing brilliantly the break of blight
of dawn and day, delivers delight
an aerial ecstasy exemplified, as ever
a magical minute momentously mastered
restores the roaring realm of rife
fanatic and frenetic, frenzied
as ever
the end expected
and elected


© Wim L.M. Geeraets
aka the Mad Dutchman
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Please, tell me what you think of it. Do you reckon this is overdone? If so, why? If you think it is fine, please say why too.

TIA, Kind regards, Wim

I wouldn't be able to, or want to critique your work, unless it is to say I really like this poem. I love the alliteration, and your choice of words painted an atmosphere where I could visualize nature. It makes me feel something, and that is the main thing.

I do like alliteration but generally prefer it be used sparingly.

That said - because your intent here is to use it as much as possible to describe what might otherwise be a "dull" event, it doesn't get in the way of enjoying the imagery. I'd probably take issue with a couple of little things. "frenetic, frenzied" can be synonyms for example. They aren't necessarily so it's just a personal response to using them together here.

Otherwise - I enjoyed it very much. thanks!

Hi Leslie, KCat,

Thank you, both!

We stayed for a short period of time in a part of the Drakensberg Mountains near the Kruger National Park in South Africa, and got up one morning to see sunrise from outside our rondavel (round hut with reed roof) at the top of the valley, when it was still dark. It was truly majestic and awe-inspiring.

This is where the origins of this poem lie.

I agree with you, KCat, on sparingly using alliteration. But it just felt right. And took many draft versions , over a period of several years, coming back to it, and changing it. I thought it would do, finally, for "publication" .

Kind regards, Wim

My sentiments exactly!
Wim, it's hard to believe that English is not your first language!

As for the use of aliteration in poetry/prose, I recall when we studied Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher" our English teacher commented on how the ds were repeated for emphasis in the opening line: ". “During the whole of a dull, dark and soundless day in the autumn of the year..."(cont'd).

Thank you, Maja, for the very kind words.

A lot of this, like all writing, I guess, is a lot of (hard?) work. Revise, revise, revise, revise some more... and then revise.
And English, IMO, is a great language to write in. Great vocabulary, very precise language. I love it .

I only read Poe, whom I admire greatly, in Dutch, so I guess it is time to get some of his work in English now.

Warm regards, Wim

This is really super, Wim! I had no idea you wrote poetry! I've recently re-discovered this little area of the FPN and have been having aball reading the contributions from people of the board. It'll take me awhile to get through them all but fun travels ahead

I love alliteration as well (not easy to well I might add) and you have some real beauties in her as couplings. Some of my favorites are:

a twinge of twilight threading through
a mystic mood meanders morning


rays of radiance revelling red
luminous light of longing, lingering
slowly, surely sneaking in, shards of shining

an aerial ecstasy exemplified, as ever
a magical minute momentously mastered

Just a lovely poem, Wim, that bathes the reader in its warmth - thank you for posting and, no, I don't think it's over the top...after all it is a sunrise and, I ask you, what is more glorious than that?

I loved it

Wim,

One of my favorite living writers, Donald Hall, has an essay titled, "Goatfoot Milktongue Twinbird" in which he speaks of the sensual pleasure of wordplay. Not just the sounds, but also the physical sensation of the spoken word. Your poem made me think of it, as there was just so much soundplay going on I had to sit here and read it outloud just to feel it on the tongue! The poem is intense, of course, and serious, but I wanted to tell you how much FUN it is to read aloud, too...just the feel of it.

As just a regular poem, I think the alliteration might be a bit much for me. But as an exercise/example of just how much can be done with soundplay...Wow! I don't know if I've ever read anything this intense that didn't just collapse into silliness under it's own weight. Quite an accomplishment. /:)

Thank you very much guys, I mean gals , for the very kind words.

Every time I read it myself, it just calls up the same imagery, as I described above, sitting outside in the dark, and the sun slowly pawing its way back to a bright, new, and glorious day...

Warmest regards, Wim