Noodler's Widow Maker - A Review

[DRP]

A couple of years ago, The Noble Savage presented a delightful review of Noodler's Widow Maker ink.

 

I will offer a different sort of commentary to those who have the patience to read it all.

 

It is the red of a dense forest where only an occasional ray of direct sunshine reaches the forest floor. It is a dense forest where any number of strange perennial plants have somehow survived since the Precambrian age, their survival having been dependent upon a poisonous characteristic which foraging critters have instinctively learned to avoid.

 

It is a forest where an elderly woman, with a lifetime of grievances against a heartless, miserly husband walks daily in search of peace, or anything resembling peace away from her dreary life at home, walks daily. Perhaps she spots the leaves, spotted with what appears to be splatterings from a bottle of red ink.

 

Like the creatures which inhabit the forest, she recognized the plant for what it is. A poisonous plant. On this day there arises larceny in her heart with the realization that mixing one of these leaves in her spouse's post-prandial sip of sherry would relieve her of her sufferings. Even so slight a quantity as a mere dip of a crushed leaf in her penurious spouse's sherry will send him quietly into slumberland -- once and for all.

 

By the first rays of morning light, she has already become the Merry Widow of Franz Lehar's delightful comic opera.

 

The husband despised doctors and their bills almost as much as he loathed the pharmaceutical manufacturers whose stocks had previously made up his portfolio. In but in recent years those equities had been sold off to buy their wares of his former benefactors. It was justice even more than irony that the costly tabs he swallowed multiple times each day were paid for by the profits he had made off the backs of others for decades.

 

No one felt the need for an autopsy on the corpse as everyone seemed to realize that whatever it was which caused his death, it was Divine Providence acting to bring balance to the ultimate ledger.

 

So it was that the Merry Widow was released from her servitude to an ungrateful master. She spent the remainder of her days in idle pleasures, though nothing to excess. Perhaps an occasional glass of sherry before dinner as well as one after, and a luncheon with the ladies of the Methodist fellowship every week instead of once per month.

 

Her only acknowledgment of a heinous act was to commission Noodler's to produce this unusual shade of ink mirroring the spots on leaves which granted her freedom. She used Noodler's Widow Maker exclusively until her own last day, a choice which amused her friends though they never suspected her motivation.

 

Noodler's would, of course, refute the accuracy of any of report. They have to. It would be imprudent not to. But we writers and readers of the Fountain Pen Network are entitled to the truth and now it is revealed, though I must exercise my own right of silence as a reporter to reveal my sources.

 

Besides, no one would believe that like Charles Dickens who was in fact told the story of the Christmas Carol by Marley the ghost, I was told the story by the elderly lady's expired husband who now wanders eternity in a chain of paper clips and Bic Stic pens. He howls piteously for another opportunity at life though it will not be afforded him to live, laugh, and write with Fort Madison made Sheaffer pens with inlaid nibs rather than the cheap throwaway ball-points he so admired while on this temporal ball.

 

I, and probably you were initially attracted to this color because of the name but instead view it from a strictly practical perspective. Noodler's Widow Maker is a remarkably versatile ink.

 

Noodler's Widow Maker will not be your everyday ink but after writing with it a while, you'll actually look for opportunities to write with it.

 

For most business correspondence, red inks are inappropriate. For that reason alone, Widow Maker is subject to automatic exclusion. Yet, if there were ever a red color which could somehow infiltrate the realm of a gray business environment, this is it. Noodler's Widow Maker is a red with the extreme edges softly polished off.

 

It is a red/black with more red than black. It's definitely a red just a red that doesn't scream, "RED!" I haven't performed a spectroanalysis but suspect that there are hints of other colors besides black. The other colors, if they really exist anywhere outside of my imagination are dark, subtle shades.

 

As mentioned before, it is red without being RED! It flows smoothly in the overwhelming majority of pens. In a broad or stub nib -- or even a medium, it has a delicious variation in density. Even when written with a fine nib, the variation in density is evident.

 

Just a closing comment: following the review by The Noble Savage, one respondent asked if catfish (symbol of Noodler's ink) were "monsters." They are not. As fish go, they are surprisingly intelligent. Although unusual, they will learn to eat from your hand.

 

Unlike carp which really are monsters, catfish are remarkably polite. The will come up to the food you hold in your hand, suck it down their throats, then remain to thank you for your hospitality. Blue cats have been known to actually send thank you notes though by the time you get them, the notes are barely legible because of water washing off the ink (catfish use fountain pens rather than commonplace ball-points, thus explaining the reason they were selected by Noodler's to serve as symbols). The "noodling" shown on the box for Noodler's inks are in fact the way the ink-maker organizes focus groups for selecting new colors and ink formulas. Waterproof inks were a direct outcome of one of these focus groups.

 

Channel cats are less likely to eat out of your hand. I don't know why, they just are more reticent. They like bread though the state conservation commission advises that catfish need protein more than carbohydrates.

 

DRP

[acfrery]

QUOTE

the elderly lady's expired husband who now wanders eternity in a chain of paper clips and Bic Stic pens.

 

Please, please tell me that this is just a way to pay tribute to some narrow-minded censor and his thirst of "justice". This lady deserves the Omas heaven!

 

Thank you very much for such a fantastic review!

 

Alejandro

[SallyLyn]

BRAVO !

[FrankB]

This review is as bizarre and demented as it is perceptive. I loved it.

 

Now I gotta git me some o' that there Widow Maker.

[henri]

At what stage of "wildness" do pond gold fish morph into carp like beings related to these splendid bottom cleaners... one more.. is there any relation to the sturgeons in their lineage?

 

just thinking

[maryannemoll]

I thoroughly enjoyed this review!

[DRP]

Henri asked "at what point do pond goldfish morph into carp." Wikipedia reports that goldfish and carp are related as both are members of the broader cyprindæ family but that they are separate fish.

 

They probably had common ancestors a hundred million years ago or something like that so did their morphing then.

 

Sturgeon are most commonly found in saltwater environments though they typically spawn in freshwater rivers located near oceans.

 

Sturgeon are not typically found inland very far although there is a Sturgeon, Missouri located about halfway between Kansas City and St. Louis. There does not appear to be a common ancestor between the eleven foot fish and residents of central Missouri.

 

According to the Sturgeon Chamber of Commerce, Sturgeon offers a "super market, medical clinic, modern bank, post office ... a firm that reconditions and sells post office lock boxes, and artists who grow, paint and market decorative gourds."

 

It is my understanding that neither sturgeon, carp, or catfish have thus far devised a means of growing, painting, and marketing decorative gourds. There is some evidence that catfish may have attempted doing so but being fountain pen users rather than painters, metal nibs tended to pierce the surface of gourds and as such, caused them to rot prematurely.

 

I am pleased for the opportunity to be able to clarify these points.

[sehnsucht]

QUOTE (FrankB @ Mar 10 2007, 11:47 PM)

This review is as bizarre and demented as it is perceptive. I loved it. Now I gotta git me some o' that there Widow Maker.

Bizarre is right...kinda. I am not sure how Ito describe the review just yet. I was reading through the post and thought,"All this about...ink?" Normally, when I read through an ink review I look for three things: what color is the ink? does the thing react with particular pens? does the person like the ink? I kinda felt like I was reading Nietzsche for a bit...

[henri]

You were and a mighty fine twisted thread it was .However if we cut the thread sometimes as usual ...everything becomes , Oh undone ?

 

Like the way this flows don't we !

 

Regards,

 

Ernie

[Maja]

Superb review, DRP! <clapping>

 

Reminds me of The Mad Aristocrat's review of a black Parker Reflex from a while back....

(Edit: Oh wow.....Looks like that review was pulled because he was booted off the site. Oh well...I saved a copy of it on my computer, just because it was so creative. If anyone wants a copy, send me a PM)

Edited March 12, 2007 by Maja

[rroossinck]

QUOTE (DRP @ Mar 10 2007, 11:58 PM)

...although there is a Sturgeon, Missouri located about halfway between Kansas City and St. Louis. There does not appear to be a common ancestor between the eleven foot fish and residents of central Missouri...

Classic.

[Sciopod]

Outstanding. It's finding things like this "review" that gives life meaning...

[eric.zamir]

QUOTE (Sciopod @ Mar 12 2007, 10:17 PM)

Outstanding. It's finding things like this "review" that gives life meaning...

You are either incredibly funny or are living in a padded cell...

or both.

But it was a nice piece of prose. Imagine what a nice sherry could inspire, if this is what colored water brought on.

[offbase]

... at night, the ice weasels come.

[DanF]

Someone, I see, has been sampling mushrooms found on that forest floor. Still, I applaud.

 

FYI: There are species of fresh water sturgeon that live far inland, for example, in Lake Winnebago and the Fox River in Wisconsin, also in the Snake and Missouri river systems, as well as the Kootenai River in Montana.

[Philip1209]

Wow, that was a very profound review.

[hilsedwards]

DRP, I loved this story so much I just had to acquire a bottle of Widow Maker.

It is fabulous! Many thanks

[Ondina]

FYI: There are species of fresh water sturgeon that live far inland, for example, in Lake Winnebago and the Fox River in Wisconsin

I was gonna mention this as I grew up freezing and sawing holes in the thick ice of Lake Winnebago, hoping to catch a sturgeon.

Different way of reviewing a color, that's for sure.

[mjb30]

Wonderful review! Many thanks!

[The penner]

You have the characteristics of a great author. Could Shakespeare havedone any better?

Just added this to my favorites!