Journals: Brutal Honesty Or Self-Censorship?

[Miz Black Crow]

Here's a question for you all. In your personal journals, when discussing things about yourself that aren't pleasant, how do you handle them?

 

For my part, I intend to keep my journals--I'm not a "journal burner". So I can see mine being opened in 3 instances: by my wife or family (when I die); by my wife (if she ever decides to; I trust her enough to leave pages open and I've never seen her even glance, so I can't see this happening without some catastrophe or some horrible choices on my own part); by the police (if I ever encounter legal trouble. I've never had so much as a moving violation, but it's always a possibility.)

 

So. Do you write down the (petty) illegal stuff, or the stuff that you wouldn't want seen printed across the front page of the Post? (New York or Huffington; whichever). How do you handle the things you don't want people to see, but need to talk about somewhere?

[LeeBG]

Awesome topic! I tend to keep my journal very "safe"

[ethernautrix]

If I don't write it down, it stays in my head.

 

I wouldn't be embarrassed by writing honestly about whatever, good or bad, but I'd cringed about all the mundane and repetitive stuff. Oi.

 

Anyway, I'm not responsible for the reactions of anyone reading my (old) journals. No getting angry or jealous or whatnot over my history. I explain this. That usually dampens the enthusiasm. That and explaining that it will probably be boring. (No one gets to read the exciting current journal. Not unless one is prepared to lose a loud argument with me.)

[fountainpenlady]

Wonderful question! I continue to be a practicing Truth living, or Authentic breathing person. As a result, I write my Truth, brutally as honestly as possible. I have kept journals for most of my life, soon to be 56 years old. Last year, I threw away no less than three boxes of journals; still I am encountering journals which did not make the dumpster. With that being said, wherever my journals are as I answer this question, I have no control over them or who reads them or their reaction to them. I think of journal writing as cathartic, a place where one should be able to take off the masks of who we want others, including loved ones to see us as versus who we are truly inside, all of it. We relinquish there the ever ending struggles to keep ourselves together behind the masks without losing totally the person we truly are inside.

To me a journal is not necessarily the truth of anything according to everyone who participated on some level/others. No doubt if read, the one who also lived the experience would probably not agree. If the person read how we feel, they no doubt would be surprised from their perspective. Do I as a journal writer using a journal forsake then how I feel or think in fear of someone else, a loved one reading it? To do so, in my opinion would be censorship. "I am afraid of hurting someone's feelings about how I think and feel so I am going to omit, or not write honestly, in case read by someone else." I say let the Sanitation Engineers, creatures who feed on our discards have at it! They too should enjoy a hearty meal of my ala carte style of Realness.

Edited February 17, 2015 by fountainpenlady

[fountainpenlady]

I don't write it down, it stays in my head.

 

I wouldn't be embarrassed by writing honestly about whatever, good or bad, but I'd cringed about all the mundane and repetitive stuff. Oi.

 

Anyway, I'm not responsible for the reactions of anyone reading my (old) journals. No getting angry or jealous or whatnot over my history. I explain this. That usually dampens the enthusiasm. That and explaining that it will probably be boring. (No one gets to read the exciting current journal. Not unless one is prepared to lose a loud argument with me.)

I agree. Many years ago, I remember reading a quote, can't remember who to attribute it to but in effect it warned anyone who might choose to read another person's journal to do so at their own risk; the truth lives between its covers, on its pages. Wish I kept at least the quote, which used to be the first thing written, on the first page when a journal was begun.

Edited February 17, 2015 by fountainpenlady

[amastronardi]

May you be referring to this quote: "If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve" from David Sedaris.

 

Regards,

AM

[fountainpenlady]

May you be referring to this quote: "If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve" from David Sedaris.

 

Regards,

AM

It may be simply another writer's variation of a similar sentiment. Writer's sometimes borrow and reword a thought from each other. Strongly doubt had it been attributed to a male writer, I would have so diligently rewritten it often long ago at the onset of many journals.

Edited February 17, 2015 by fountainpenlady

[Ghost Plane]

Journals are where I bleed off the septic tank of my soul. They get tossed promptly in the trash when filled.

 

I never go back to re-read.

 

That being said, I keep trip logs of important life events, such as Pilgrimage, in nice books such as the Tomoe paper, as I want to tuck mementos between the pages and reread to recapture the feelings.

[fountainpenlady]

Journals are where I bleed off the septic tank of my soul. They get tossed promptly in the trash when filled.

 

I never go back to re-read.

 

That being said, I keep trip logs of important life events, such as Pilgrimage, in nice books such as the Tomoe paper, as I want to tuck mementos between the pages and reread to recapture the feelings.

Knew besides your Avatar of one of my most favorite all time fictional sheroes, we have some sentiments in common. I too never reread my journals. Also, toss them without regret after a time; if I had legal access to build a bonfire to symbolically destroy by fire, I would do so in a heartbeat, safely of course. Do the same with keeping track of memorable events, etc. which need remembering for some reason. I too retain perhaps few mementos in order to remember warmly something experienced from that month or whenever the journal's time with me has concluded. Like I am going to immediately write down your quote; certainly worth remembering. Don't worry, if I use it in the future, I'll give you proper credit.

Edited February 17, 2015 by fountainpenlady

[Yaakova]

May you be referring to this quote: "If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve" from David Sedaris.

 

Regards,

AM

 

I like this. And on a similar note, a quote by Anne Lamott:

 

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better."

[haruka337]

I suspect this is why I like the concept of letter writing rather than keeping a journal--in a way, I'm sending out my journal pages to someone else to read and to keep safe, away from the curious eyes around me. In exchange, I do the same.

Edited February 18, 2015 by haruka337

[DaveBj]

I'm honest, although I do sometimes use codewords and/or acronyms for certain topics that I want to keep out of the eyes of others who might see them, while still being able to recognize what I was writing about when I see them. I don't think I would like for someone else to see my journals while I'm still alive, although there's nothing in there that would put me in jail. After I'm dead, I'm not going to care.

[sharonspens]

I would guess that most of us don't do stuff that could land us in jail, but I would bet many of us have done things, thought things, said things, that would be . . . problematic . . . should we later decide to run for political office. Or should one of our closest loved ones decide to make a run for office, or some position that puts us in the public eye. Again, this doesn't mean the thoughts, experiences, sentiments, are in themselves troublesome. What I think it really means is we (the media and the curious public) spend way too much time analyzing public figures as though they should always be perfect, not human. Thus, we have a hard time allowing people to have had a human reaction in the past that may not reflect who we are TODAY.

 

So what goes in my journal? Whatever version of reality is in my head at the time I am writing, usually somewhat dull stuff, but in the full knowledge that what I write is being scrubbed through the censor that I automatically use for most things. If someone else read it, they would learn very little, but if feelings were hurt or someone got mad I would have to say it serves you right for reading something that you should not have been reading.

 

Sharon in Indiana

[ac12]

I censor my journal.

For various personal reasons, some things will never make it to pen and paper.

 

I keep my journals, because I have had to go back into them to get info about certain things, like medical or hobby related, because it is a single journal that I write everything in. I don't keep separate journals by subject, which I might do in the future if I get tired of going back into the everything journal. Example, I plan to go back into my journals to extract medical events, and put them into a separate medical journal, which would be easy to carry to the doctor's office.

[ndw76]

I write the boring stuff in normal fountain pen ink and the juice details in Noodlers Blue Ghost. The good stuff can only be read under a uv light.

[WaskiSquirrel]

I figure that you should never put something into permanent form that you would not want others to read.

[VivienR]

Whatever in my mind, without sanitizing my thoughts.

[Princeps Anglorum]

I have been interested to read all these illuminating thoughts. I have only ever kept a journal for a very short period (now almost 30 years ago). One of the main reasons I stopped was the struggle to find the right balance between frankness and integrity if some things were omitted. Now, as I head towards the later phases of my life, I am thinking about starting a journal to record thoughts, insights and experiences for my son. I realised when my mother died three years ago how much had been unsaid or assumed.

Edited February 21, 2015 by Princeps Anglorum

[Studio97]

We are only human and self censorship to some degree is a natural thing, a self defense mechanism, a survival instinct. If you must write about something really bad in your life use a separate sheet and burn it when your done. Write a letter to God if you will and ask for forgiveness if that's what's needed. Just like a war experience which a veteran doesn't want to talk about. He or she does not want to put it into words. If something you feel should be censored, understand why and forgive yourself first. The journal police have all been laid off and don't come around. No law says you have to write about everything. Its about coping with some things. I did meet a veteran who in combat saw enemy soldiers vaporized under heavy fire while he was wearing night vision. "I hate to say it but it was,really cool". That's PTSD and coping with a horrible experience. So in journaling we have to decide what to write and what to leave unspoken and live with whatever it is.

[TSherbs]

We are only human and self censorship to some degree is a natural thing, a self defense mechanism, a survival instinct. If you must write about something really bad in your life use a separate sheet and burn it when your done. Write a letter to God if you will and ask for forgiveness if that's what's needed. Just like a war experience which a veteran doesn't want to talk about. He or she does not want to put it into words. If something you feel should be censored, understand why and forgive yourself first. The journal police have all been laid off and don't come around. No law says you have to write about everything. Its about coping with some things. I did meet a veteran who in combat saw enemy soldiers vaporized under heavy fire while he was wearing night vision. "I hate to say it but it was,really cool". That's PTSD and coping with a horrible experience. So in journaling we have to decide what to write and what to leave unspoken and live with whatever it is.

This is a great response. Thank you, Studio97.

 

I save my greatest honesty for prayer, and that is not for anyone but me and the Great Spirit behind all. I have different kinds of journals, from keepsakes, to inspirational, to spiritually investigative. In NONE of them do I criticize myself or others. Judgment is egoic "sin," and I work on this in my prayers and meditation and not in my journals: I don't want to concretize the negative feelings and thinkings in any way. I address them and love them and forgive them in my spiritual contemplative work.

 

So do I censor in journals? I guess so, if that is what you call trying to avoid practicing another form of samsara.